The Viral Rise of the “We Do Not Care Club”: Humour, Menopause and Healing

A New Movement with a Refreshing Message

Last week, my bestie sent me one of the most hilarious reels I’ve come across and as a perimenopausal woman, I found myself suddenly becoming a completely, unapologetic devotee of the “We Do Not Care Club”. 

Follow this link for a hilarious video of Melani being Melani https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1aHBNXxe1k/

I, along with thousands of other women have discovered this hilarious yet authentic movement which has set the internet and social commentators buzzing. It was sparked by Melani Saunders, an exhausted and overwhelmed mum who started sharing the reality of her experience as a perimenopausal woman. What started as a light-hearted declaration quickly snowballed into something much larger; a cultural epiphany that has struck a chord with thousands of women who are navigating the turbulent waters of perimenopause and menopause.

The premise is simple yet powerful: women publicly admitting what they no longer care about. Whether it is keeping up with beauty standards, wearing bras, maintaining spotless homes, or apologising for every hot flush and mood swing, the “We Do Not Care Club” has become a rallying cry for authenticity, realism, and relief.

In a world that often expects women to remain perpetually youthful, endlessly patient, and unfailingly presentable, the message is both rebellious and freeing: we do not care anymore, and that is perfectly acceptable.

Why the Club Resonates

A Shared Experience with Healing in the Humour 

Perimenopause and menopause bring with them a wide spectrum of physical and emotional changes such as night sweats, brain fog, fatigue, anxiety, irritability, and more. For too long, we’ve had to endure these privately, often with little understanding or support. The “We Do Not Care Club” unites women by giving voice to what was once silent. Yet by laughing at the chaos, whether it’s putting milk in the cupboard and cereal in the fridge or wearing pyjama bottoms to the school run, women are finding healing in humour in what might otherwise feel isolating or frustrating. Humour acts as a release valve, normalising and transforming embarrassment into connection.

Breaking Stigma

Menopause has historically been stigmatised, reduced to whispers or stereotypes and women are SO OVER THIS! The club dismantles this by bringing real stories to the forefront. The sheer honesty of Melani’s voice cuts through shame, proving that menopause is neither a weakness nor a failing, but a natural stage of life and we have a right to experience peace within it, removing things from our lives which we now realise are superfluous. Perhaps most importantly, the movement empowers women to step away from perfectionism. In saying “we do not care,” women reclaim energy once spent on appearances or social approval, redirecting it towards wellbeing and authenticity.

Therapy as a Source of Support

Humour and solidarity are invaluable, but many women also seek structured ways to cope with the psychological impact of midlife changes. Two therapeutic approaches stand out for their relevance at this stage: Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)

CFT was originally developed to support people struggling with shame and self-criticism. It emphasises cultivating a compassionate inner voice, recognising that many difficulties are worsened by self-blame.

For women in menopause, CFT can be particularly helpful. A woman might feel she is “not coping well enough” or berate herself for losing patience with her family. CFT helps her notice that harsh self-talk and replace it with warmth and understanding. The therapy teaches practices such as soothing rhythm breathing and visualisation to rebalance emotional systems, calming the inner critic.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT focuses on psychological flexibility—the ability to accept challenging thoughts and feelings while still living in alignment with personal values. Rather than trying to eliminate distress, ACT teaches women to acknowledge discomfort (such as irritability or fatigue) without letting it dictate behaviour.

For example, a woman may accept that she feels anxious or tired but still choose to spend time on what matters, whether that’s connecting with family, going for a walk, or engaging in creative work. ACT encourages women to live meaningfully, even when life feels unpredictable.

Together, these therapies offer tools to face menopause with resilience, kindness, and clarity, however a therapeutic group experience may also give women the support they need.

The Unique Benefits of Group Therapy

While individual therapy can be transformative, group therapy adds another dimension that mirrors the essence of the “We Do Not Care Club.”

• Shared Understanding: Hearing others describe the same struggles such as brain fog, hot flushes, or sleepless nights instantly validates and normalises personal experience.
• Collective Humour: Groups often find laughter naturally emerges, reframing difficult situations as shared challenges rather than private burdens.
• Normalisation: Group settings remind women that their symptoms are not unusual or exaggerated, reducing feelings of isolation.
• Encouragement and Accountability: Practising compassion or acceptance strategies alongside others creates motivation and momentum.

 In short, group therapy provides the solidarity of community, the safety of shared space, and the empowerment of collective healing.

Practical Therapeutic Exercises for Home

Therapy is not confined to the consulting room. Women can bring simple techniques into their daily routines to foster calm, self-compassion, and perspective.

1. Compassionate Letter Writing (CFT)
   Write to yourself as though from a caring friend. Acknowledge the challenges you are facing and remind yourself of your strengths.
2. Soothing Rhythm Breathing (CFT)
   Practise slow, steady breathing with the intention of calming your body. Imagine each breath filling you with kindness and each exhale releasing tension.
3. Values Mapping (ACT)
   List your core values. These may be things like connection, creativity, or health. Consider one small action each day that reflects them.
4. Mindful Observation (ACT)
   When a difficult emotion arises, observe it without judgement. Remind yourself: “This is a feeling, not a definition of me.”
5. Humour Journalling
   Keep a notebook of funny moments linked to menopause mishaps. Looking back on these entries can lighten the mood and build resilience. (Or spend time watching Melani’s reels – maybe 
6. Gratitude Practice
   Each evening, write down three things, however small, that brought you gratitude. This simple habit shifts focus towards positivity.
7. Body Scan Meditation
   Spend ten minutes noticing sensations across the body without trying to change them. This encourages acceptance of change and nurtures a gentler relationship with the body.

Conclusion

The viral rise of the “We Do Not Care Club” is far more than a passing internet trend. It reflects a generational shift towards honesty, solidarity, and humour in facing perimenopause and menopause. By breaking taboos and encouraging laughter, the club is helping women like me step out of shame and into authenticity.

Therapy offers another layer of support, and as a therapist, I can really advocate strongly for this! Through CFT and ACT, women can learn to meet themselves with compassion, accept difficult emotions, and live in alignment with their values. Group therapy builds on this by offering connection and collective healing. And with simple techniques that can be practised at home, women like us can carry these benefits into everyday life, by finding strength in kindness, humour, and a refusal to care about outdated expectations. Melani Saunders – we salute you.

Emilie Watson BA (Hons) MBACP Pluralistic Integrative Counsellor based in South Wales, UK. Email: emilie@thecalmplace.co.uk